The author was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis in 1999. This diagnosis explained why she was no longer the woman she wanted to be. She loved to dance, but after falling, she used all her energy to stand up. People laughed at her instead of her. With blurred vision, she tried to read documents in meetings, where she fell asleep and woke up to the laughter of her colleagues. Playing with a small child became a chore and her sexuality seemed lost, although the love remained. She passed the exams for her master's degree with a blindfold and crutches. She had previously been sickly healthy all her life, but her body had lost control; diaries describe fear of treatment attempts, physical improvement but psychological losses and little support from the health care system.